Over the Christmas holidays this year, I had quite a bout of the “empty-nester blues”.  My kids have been on their own for a couple of years now, but for some reason, this year hit me pretty hard.  As I think about how I was feeling, I realize I was being quite unreasonable because I have seen each of them many times over the last couple of months.  In fact, I think we’ve been blessed with more special moments this year than ever! But, as I got to reminiscing about Christmases past, and the way things used to be when they were little (and I was younger!), I got quite maudlin. Then, to make matters worse, I went from thinking about my sweet children in their childhood to places in my own life that were long since passed.  In my emotional state, I was also in a weakened state and was vulnerable to the lies of the enemy.  I started going over a list of “what ifs” and regrets about the past.  What if I had made better choices?  What if I had never stumbled?  Would things be different or easier today?  Those thoughts then led to self-condemnation and before I knew it, my state of depression came into full bloom.

What was interesting about this upsetting time for me was that I realized I wasn’t thinking the way the Lord wanted me to think!  I knew I belonged to my Lord.  I was redeemed and had been created anew. 

“This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person.  The old life is gone; a new life has begun! (2 Corinthians 5:17). 

But still, the nagging voice inside of me kept on telling me that I wasn’t good enough to please our Lord.  I didn’t deserve my family’s love, let alone God’s.  And so, I kept on going over and over things that have long since been forgiven.  There was really not a purpose to it.  I knew I couldn’t change anything, and yet still, I continued.  I prayed each day for God to lift this shadow that had fallen upon me.  I prayed for Him to give me strength to look at and appreciate my blessings.  I searched scripture and shared my feelings with my husband.  And God, as always was faithful.

Psalm 139 became such a reassurance to me.   My God knows everything about me.  He knit me together in my mother’s womb.  He knew be before I was born and knows what my future holds.  He has seen everything that I have ever done or ever will do and yet, He loves me.   In fact, the Psalm goes on to say that His thoughts about me are “precious”!  Precious.  That word in itself is an amazing adjective to be used by God to describe His feelings for me! 

Dictionary.com defines the word as:
  • Of high price or great value; very valuable or costly.
  • Highly esteemed for some spiritual, non-material, or moral quality.
  • Dear; beloved.
Wow.  I am humbled. My God loves me with an unconditional love!  He has redeemed me and set me free from the chains of the past.  So why, then, do I tend to remain in the prisoner’s cell when He has thrown the door open wide? Shouldn’t I trust my God and His decisions?  Yes!  Shouldn’t I believe that His love for me is strong?  Yes!  Shouldn’t I remember that I am a new creation in Christ?  Yes, yes and yes!  So, how will I remember these promises?  I will abide in Him.  When my thoughts threaten to tear me down, I will look to God.  I will remember to praise Him in the good times, and praise Him in the difficult times.  If a shadow threatens to descend upon me again, I will remember that God is with me, shaping me, growing me and strengthening me, and above all, loving me.  I will ignore the lies of the enemy and focus on the promises of God. As I abide in Him, I can be sure that He will carry me through.  Just this morning, as I was reading Sheri’s post from Humbled Living, I felt the Lord was reminding me that the past is gone and a new day has come.  In her post, Sheri wrote about Lot’s family fleeing Sodom and Gomorrah and the wise words that God’s messenger spoke.  He said, “Don’t look back.”  I won’t.

Blessed on the Adventure,

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